Grief & Glitter
So it’s no secret how glitter obsessed I am. Besides pink, I joke my next favorite color is glitter. I’m obsessed with anything sparkly and glitter reminds me of JOY, a word I hold near and dear to my heart. It’s also no secret that the last year of my life has been the hardest year of my life, the year when choosing joy has felt impossible at times. I lost two of the most influential women in my life, both unexpectedly in less than a year. I first lost my Nana on May 8th, 2020 and then my Grandma on March 21, 2021. This year I’ve had to rely on not my own strength, but God’s strength and not find my own joy in earthly circumstances, but instead find God’s joy in our eternal promise.
As the one year anniversary of my Nana’s death, kept getting closer, I felt this anxiety building up in me. May 8th, 2020 was the day my life was turned upside down and lost a little sparkle. Since my Grandma passed away 2 months ago, my grief journey has hit me even harder, for obvious reasons. Not only am I living 10,000 miles away from my family grieving but now my heart is not only missing one amazing woman, but two. I also have found that lately some of the smallest things, memories or reminders bring back a rush of uncontrollable emotions of grief. Literally one second I’m having the best day ever and the next I’m uncontrollably sobbing missing my Nana and Grandma. In one particular instance when grief overwhelmed me, I fell to my knees crying in my room. In between my tears, I noticed one tiny glitter speck on the carpet.… from a photoshoot I did at the beginning of March. And then it hit me……..
Grief is like glitter… no matter how hard you try to move on or try to get rid of the pain, it’s always lingering in your life like a speck of glitter… But when you choose to lean into God and the promises He has for our lives & the hope we have in heaven, our grief will sparkle like glitter.
One whole year. My sweet Nana went to be with Jesus 365 days ago and I’ve been walking through life ever since with a piece of my heart missing. Throughout the last year of grief, I’ve learned so much and have been letting my grief sparkle as best I can. John 16:20 literally says, “You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” I am letting Jesus turn my grief into joy and I know this is only possible because of the cross. Thank you Jesus, for dying on the cross for our sins so we can all have the hope in HEAVEN.
So have you ever truly tried to pick up one speck of glitter? It’s so hard and takes you forever and then 5 minutes later you find another one. So much like the grief and glitter analogy I just shared above, we can spend our whole life trying to constantly pick up one speck of glitter or we can choose to let that speck of glitter shape us and sparkle for others to see. After all, it is a part of our story. Below I go into detail about 3 lessons I learned over the last year of my grief journey. I pray if you too are grieving, this encourages you to continue to lean into God and let him turn your grief to joy so that you will shine bright despite your circumstances!
1. Life won’t sparkle unless you do.
The texts messages, sweet treats, cards, calls, check ins will eventually stop. They might last for a week or even a month if you’re lucky. But eventually they stop. Your friends can hurt with you, but they don’t live with the hurt every day like you do. They can be supportive and help you, but you’re with your thoughts 24/7. Life goes back to “normal” for everyone else, but your new “normal” is filled with glitter (grief) everywhere. You are reminded constantly that your life will never be the same. Although my sparkle wasn’t as shiny for a few weeks after my Nana went to be with Jesus, I truly learned that unless you wake up and choose to sparkle that day, you will let your grief ruin your (shine) day. The saying a negative mind will never give you a positive life is true always but even more so in the grief. So despite your circumstances, if you choose to find something good in every day and search for God’s fingerprints throughout your day, your dark days, won’t be as dark anymore. I’m not telling you it’s an overnight fix and I’m not telling you it’ll be easy. But what I am telling you is that God is always working for the good even in the bad, we just have to choose to see it.
2. She who leaves a trail of glitter is never forgotten.
Not only will we continue to “find glitter” (feel grief) everywhere, but I view the glitter (grief) as a reminder of the memories our loved ones left with us. There are so many tears, because there was so much love. Grief is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith, but instead the price we pay for love. I know how lucky I am to of had 26 incredible years with my Nana and Grandma. I have memories with them that’ll last a lifetime. When we start crying because we found a speck of glitter (something in our day triggered our grief), we can remember how special it is that we have those memories to hold on to. So even in the storm, let’s not forget the trail of glitter our loved ones left with us.
3. Let your light shine. - Matthew 5:14-16
Grief is normal. Grief is real. And unfortunately, too many people are grieving on a daily basis. The person who cut you off in traffic? What if she is racing to get to the hospital to say goodbye to a loved one? The grocery store cashier who looked miserable today, maybe she is working endless hours to help pay medical bills? Your friend who hasn’t reached out to you in a while? Maybe she received a phone call that turned her life upside down and she’s processing. The impatient lady at the mall, maybe she lost her patience because it’s the 1 year anniversary of the passing of her husband? Okay okay, so maybe I made all those scenarios up, but hopefully it got your attention. We truly never know what anyone else is going through on any day. So here’s the thing, maybe it’s not just YOU that is “having a bad day” or maybe you’re not the only one who “just found a speck of glitter.” Because grief is like glitter and can be found anywhere, we have to remember to have grace for others and grace for ourselves. Now here’s the solution: Change your mindset from “poor me” or “I’m having a bad day” or “ugh why is this happening to me” to shifting your focus to others & having a compassionate heart to see what they are going through too. When you take the lens and focus off yourself and give to others you will forget you the trials you are facing. Next time you see someone down, be the one who smiles first or even speaks up to ask them how they are? Be brave, stand out and love everybody always. Jesus didn’t play it safe and you wouldn’t know his bad days from good because He was too busy serving God and pursuing His purpose.
So here’s my challenge for you, everyday despite your circumstances choose to let your light shine before others and spread kindness like glitter. We all are carrying our own glitter, so why not let yours shine?
I’ll finish with one final thought about grief that can be summed with this : Choose Joy Chase Joy & Believe Joy even in the grief. How? Well when you Choose Jesus, you Choose Joy. When you Chase Jesus, you Chase Joy and when you Believe Jesus, you Believe Joy. Jesus and Glitter bring me so much JOY. And although glitter might not bring you joy (LOL), I can GUARANTEE that Jesus will. Lean into Him, the word and the promises He has for your life. Lot’s of love and remember don’t let anyone dull your SPARKLE!
